Mars: Hey 3rd rock, what’s happenin’? You folks have been sending a lot of stuff my way, and I’m flattered and everything, but it’s getting a little ridiculous. So let me just come out and tell you right now: I got me some water! Not as much as I used to, and not as much as you, but there’s water here and we used to be downright soggy. But it’s been quiet times for a while, so feel free to stop on by on your Walkabout the Galaxy, and send me a postcard – or another rover if you really must – from your next destination. Just keep the bugs and bacteria to yourselves! Mars – bringing you this episode of Walkabout the Galaxy and so, so, many stories about water.
Universe 374445439834. Hello “The Universe”. A bit pretentious, don’t you think? Here in universe 374445439834 we don’t have “Walkabout the Galaxy” because, guess what: no galaxies! Also, no podcasts! Guess why: strong force ain’t so strong over here, so we’re good with Hydrogen, but if you want to inflate a Helium balloon, don’t come knockin on our door! So Astroquarks, Can Universe 374445439834 come live with you?
You know, I fly the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy. Sometimes I amaze even myself. And if you’d like to be more like me, you should give a listen to Walkabout the Galaxy. Of course, in the Falcon I can make it around the galaxy in only 56 parsecs. Is that nonsense? Well never tell me the odds, and never tell me physics. Just listen to Walkabout. Walkabout the Galaxy ain’t like dusting crops. Without the expert guidance of the astroquarks you could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova, and that’d end your walkabout real quick, wouldn’t it? So trust the astroquarks to take you on another great walkabout the galaxy. Don’t everyone thank me at once.
Tired of the same-old Italian restaurants for date night? Been to that B&B one too many times for Valentine’s Day? Then surprise your special someone with a visit to the solar system’s most famous and largest heart, Tombaugh Regio! Located just north of Pluto’s equator, and flanked by Cthulhu Macula and Krun Macula to provide that extra edge, Tombaugh Regio is sure to delight your loved one to mark that special occasion. Just get a raise? Celebrating a birthday? Just married? Then book the 4 billion mile ride to Pluto for a relaxing and romantic getaway, far from the hussle and bustle of all things terrestrial, on the frozen nitrogen plains of Tombaugh Regio. It will take your breath away, because it will literally freeze your breath. Tombaugh Regio, the Kuiper Belt’s most romantic spot.
For the love of all that’s good in the universe can the people making all the new Star Trek please learn something about the distances between stars and planets?! For the love of all that’s good in the universe can the people making all the new Star Trek please learn something about the distances between stars and planets?! Is proud to sponsor this episode of Walkabout the Galaxy, where an AU is the distance from the Earth to the Sun, a light year is sixty-three thousand AUs, and the nearest star is several light years away. This has been a message from For the love of all that’s good in the universe can the people making all the new Star Trek please learn something about the distances between stars and planets?!
No, not Bucky’s balls: these aren’t Buckminster Fuller’s family jewels, but they are part of his legacy, just not genetic. Buckyballs, or Buckminsterfullerene, is good old fashioned Carbon. And while C60 Carbon atoms are arranged in hexagons, and not the triangles of Bucky’s geodesic dome homes, take some buckyballs with you on your next walk about the galaxy, or if you can’t get your hands on the real stuff, bring a soccer ball with the same arrangement of corners as the atoms in a buckyball, and bounce your way about the galaxy. Buckyballs, making chemistry fun, or at least funny, and proud sponsor of Walkabout the Galaxy.
Space Sex is proud to sponsor Walkabout the Galaxy. Space Sex is the best kind of sex, but most people don't know much about Space Sex, because Space Sex has not been around for a very long time. Space Sex takes advantage of both maximum thrust and variable thrust. Space Sex is best when thrust is used on re-entry for the most satisfying conclusion. So when you go on your Walkabout the Galaxy, don't leave the Earth behind, have the Earth move too, with Space Sex!
The up-goer five is happy to be the one to be the money friend of this piece of time of "walk about the great big group of stars". The up-goer five was the first thing built by people to go to the big gray world in the sky that goes around our world and let people walk around on and look-at-up-close-for-the-first-time another world. "Walk about the great big group of stars" is all about looking-at-up-close-for-the-first-time our group of worlds that goes around our star, our great big group of stars, and the great big group of everything that there is. These are things that the up-goer five and all of the friends of the up-goer five care very much about. Please enjoy this piece of time and every piece of time of "Walk about the great big group of stars" and remember the great exciting times looking at things and doing things for the first time of the up-goer five and look forward to the next great exciting times of looking at things and seeing things for the first time in space! To learn more about "The Up-Goer Five", check this out. https://xkcd.com/1133/
If you’re listening to this episode of Walkabout the Galaxy, then Schrödinger’s Cat is sponsoring it and by the act of you listening to it, you have actualized the quantum state where Schrödinger’s Cat is alive. Schrödinger’s Cat, also known as Mr. Fluffles, thanks you for saving him from quantum indeterminacy and death by observing him to be alive by listening to an episode of Walkabout the Galaxy sponsored by Mr. Fluffles and therefore observing him to be alive. Thank you and thanks to Walkabout the Galaxy for supporting animal rights and welfare. No animals were placed in boxes, harmed, or subjected to quantum mechanics experiments during the recording of this episode. Schrödinger’s Cat: a head scratcher from a sofa scratcher. Keep listening!
Come see our vast desert wastelands, gasp for breath in our thin atmosphere while struggling against our intense gravitational field. Also available for wedding ceremonies. Participate in your very own Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. Vulcan, where love goes to die!
Walkabout listeners beware! This podcast may be “informing” you about the universe, with “facts” and “science”. But what are “facts” good for, anyway? Ignorance is here to let you create your own facts! How do you think the universe works? Well that’s just fine with ignorance! Turtles all the way down? Flat Earth? Young Earth? No such thing as cause and effect? Make up your own reality with ignorance! It gives you the godlike power to build a universe. It may not be the universe everyone else lives in, but it’s yours!
Sure we’re dark on the inside, but experience the high intensity gamma ray radiation field from our accretion disk and you’ll never say “black holes suck” again. They spew! Black holes: powering active galactic nuclei for eons!
Guaranteed to brighten your day, your night, and your entire galaxy. Can you say “standard candle”? Well, even if you can’t, Type 1a supernovae will light your way to understanding the age and expansion of the universe. Type 1a supernovae: The most fun you can have with a white dwarf outside of Nevada.
Tired of concise astronomical names, like Big Bang and Pulsar? Comet 67/P Churyomov-Gerasimenko is here to represent the prosaic over the poetic. Comet 67/P Churyomov-Gerasimenko: its name is too long to allow any other jokes.
The warrior race would like you to know that Qonos is open for business! If you’d like to serve on a battle cruiser and die with honor, the Klingon homeworld has a Batleth waiting for you.
If it swapped places with the Earth, the IAU would call it a planet. Pluto: walking about the galaxy for the last 4.5 billion years, this frozen world is the solar system’s Slushee. Frozen water, frozen air, frozen farts, and frozen car exhaust make Pluto a place we’re happy to see from 3 billion miles away.
Feeling chilly, this transparent odorless gas is your next best friend. Wrap it around your planet to trap those pesky infrared waves trying to escape with your precious heat. Stay away from carbon monoxide: that extra atom of oxygen makes all the difference, prevent it from toxically binding to hemoglobin while providing oodles of extra rotational and vibrational energy states to make this a warm metaphorically fuzzy blanket, bringing your home back to the balmy climes of the bygone cretaceous. Shed those extra layers – you won’t be needing them with CO2.
How quaint! A podcast called “Walkabout the Galaxy”. As if your run-of-the-mill Milky Way was something special. I’ll say one thing for you Earthlings, you’re always good for a chuckle. In fact I’d rather be a human than even a Markoffian sea lizard or Belzoidian flea because I find you so entertaining. But I could make your galaxy blink out of existence with a thought, and the rest of the universe wouldn’t bat an eye, though the continuum frowns on that sort of thing. So please, continue with your meandering around your little corner of the universe, your “walkabout”. The continuum approves.
You’ve just arrived at space station Deep Space 9, tired and stressed from your own Walkabout the galaxy, or maybe you took a Federation runabout instead – they’re faster! – on a journey through the wormhole. Maybe you’ve had a run-in with a less-than-friendly government. Well make your way to the Promenade and Quark’s Bar, Grill, Gaming House and Holosuite Arcade! Try your luck at our popular Dabo tables where our lovely and friendly staff is always on hand to keep your glass full, whether your preference is Andolian Brandy, Raktajino, or a mug of Takarian mead. Fill up on our quadrant-famous Groatcakes with a dash of Haligian tongue sauce and top it off with the ever-popular Kai-Winn chocolate soufflé! But don’t walk-on-out of Quark’s without indulging in your deepest yearnings at our reknowned holosuite, whether your tastes run to adventure or romance, Quark’s has what you desire. Gold-pressed latinum accepted, and generous payment plans available.
You may think that the best way to get light from point A to point B is to point light at point B from point A. After all, light is the fastest thing there is. But there’s doing things the fastest way, and there’s doing things the coolest way, and the coolest way to get your photons somewhere where they really pack a punch is to load them into a photon torpedo. These beauties are also conveniently sized to carry a humanoid, so after you’ve destroyed your enemy, you can store or dispose of your dearly departed in your spare photon torpedo casings for an honorable burial, or should we say vacuum-rial? Or evacuation? in space. No one will be visiting that graveside! Disclaimer: photon torpedoes don’t actually contain photons but are instead matter-antimatter weapons. Photon torpedoes may contain genetically enhanced humanoids. User assumes all risk.
I’m so lonely. It is cold and dark and empty out here. I’m so lonely. Please, could you send me a visitor? New Horizons? Oh that would be wonderful! Hi New Horizons, no wait! Come back! Where are you goooooiiinnng?????
Enstrophy is delighted to be the first of the physics “E-something-y” quantities to sponsor Walkabout the Galaxy. Enstrophy, not to be confused with enthalpy, entropy, the Helmholtz free energy, Gibbs free energy, Landau free energy – really any kind of free energy, and certainly not with exstrophy, a congenital defect resulting in the protrusion of the bladder through the abdominal wall, is just a nice, harmless measure of how swirly things are. With Walkabout taking you from the swirling great red spot to the great swirls of spiral galaxies, what better E-something-y word to take along with you than Enstrophy: the other E-word.
You remember that movie with the airplane, and there’s that woman with the hair who was in that TV show about the restaurant? I think she was also in Law and Order or NCIS or CSI. One of those shows. Anyway, she’s in it, but kind of a smaller part. She’s the friend of the wife of the guy. Remember? He’s got dark hair. And kind of a beard, but not really? Damn, what’s his name? He was so good. He usually plays a serious character, but he was kind of funny in this movie. The one with the airplane. When his name comes to me, I’ll let you know, and then we’ll know the time it take to remember the name of that actor, proud to bring you this episode of Walkabout the Galaxy.
We’ll have this sponsor message done for you in a jiffy. Depending on how you define jiffy, of course, which is the best thing about this flexible and adaptable measure of time. Astrophysicist? Well you might use this term to describe the time it takes light to travel a distance of one fermi (3 times 10^-24 seconds). Video game programmer? Then a jiffy for you is a seemingly eternal 10 milliseconds. Electrician? Well you’re probably talking about 1/60th of a second if you’re in the USA, or 1/50th of a second most other places. Crazy cosmologist? Then you can have the jiffy be the Planck time: 5.4 times 10^-44 seconds. A ridiculously short time corresponding to the ridiculously short Planck length. So as you go on your walkabout the galaxy, the jiffy is there, tick-tocking along, to help you keep track of the temporal dimension. Note: the jiffy is not to be confused with Jiffy Pop popcorn, Jiffy bag mailing envelopes, Jiffy lube auto shops, Jiffy mix bake mix, Jiffy steamer clothing steamers, Jif peanut butter, Jif lemon juice, or retired Welsh rugby star Jonathan “jiffy” Davies.
Well, baby brother, congratulations on your new show, “The Orville”. I understand that my own show, based on a giant space-faring bicycle called “The Wilbur”, is in the works. I’m also pretty sure that The Wilbur is a bigger and faster ship than The Orville and with a significantly less-silly crew. My captain will not be discussing his nighttime urination habits with his crew, and The Wilbur is powered by a 24-speed Shimano dilithium high gear-ratio warp drive derailleur with disk brakes and a lightweight carbon fiber frame for rapid climbs out of planetary and stellar gravitational wells. The Wilbur, coming soon, is proud to bring you this episode of Walkabout the Galaxy. With the Wilbur you won’t need to walk anymore!
Fun, irreverent Walkabout the Galaxy. Astronomical. If only I had More syllables to use, then, This would be more fun.
Here. No, over here. No, not that way. Look, well, like turn your head – I mean – kind of around like – no – not that way. Not that way either. Look over here. In my direction. No, not up! Not down! This way! In the other – you know – like over here! Oh forget it! The fifth spatial dimension is happy to sponsor your walkabout four-dimensional (boring!) spacetime, and no endorsement or affiliation with the musical group 5th Dimension is implied.
Ever feel like for each step forward you take two steps backward? Well maybe you’re really taking three steps forward, but someone else is taking four steps forward. Unless you’re a photon, all motion is relative, but only retrograde motion can get you from Virgo to Leo without catching Cancer. Also, feel free to break it out on the dance floor. Retrograde motion may not get you where you want to go, but it’s all about the journey. Retrograde Motion has nothing to do with your life, relationships, professional or personal prospects or any aspect of the human condition. Retrograde motion: when you want your walkabout to take the scenic route.